5 Good Reasons to celebrate the wondrousness of fathers

Dads are stone skimmers, mud wallowers, water wallopers,
ceiling swoopers, shoulder gallopers, upsy-downsy,
over-and-through, round-and-about whooshers. Dads are smugglers
and secret sharers. ~ Helen Thomson

Dads are wonderful beings. Don’t wait an age before telling your dad his true worth in your life. 

With it being Father’s Day in North America and the United Kingdom, we're sharing five good reasons for celebrating your dad’s wondrousness:

1. Dads make messes. And they do this despite the obstacle of being asked not to. This teaches us that negotiation is cool and that making a mess can result in amazing creations and incredible outcomes. Provided we remember to clean up afterwards.
2. Dads do things mom won’t do. While moms can do almost anything they set their minds to, often we just don’t want to. But Dad will often step into the breach and be game for that crazy tree climb, the roll down the enormous prickly sand hill, or to rescue the soccer ball from the tumbling surf.
3. Dads are fun. Dads don’t mind looking goofy with their kids. Indeed, having the joke work at their own expense is dad’s secret laugh and harmony creator.
4. Dads make great teachers. Dads teach by example and, as Seneca once said “men learn while they teach”, so dads are always superb with get-in-there-and-do-it learning. A dad following his passion and involving his children in it is a beautiful sight to behold.
5. Dads are supportive of our endeavors. Dads are cheering by the sidelines of our lives wherever we are, ready with advice even when we’re not ready for it. We grow into it and realize they’d already known what we come to learn.

Give your dad a great big hug, tell him you love him, and share with him your favorite memory of time spent together in the last year.

Carl Sagan: Pale Blue Dot

In this incredible piece, Carl Sagan reminds us that: "Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else -- at least in the near future -- to which our species could migrate. Visit? Yes. Settle? Not yet. Like it or not, for the moment, the Earth is where we make our stand... To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot -- the only home we've ever known."

Please take a moment to watch this wondrous video. It could just change how you're feeling today.

Small wonders

"I know I am not seeing things as they are,
I'm seeing things as I am." ~ Laurel Lee

I was staring out the window of the train today and wondering about life in general, pondering about my penchant for seeing things in an overly-complicated way. In the corner of my eye I espied a screwed-up train ticket on the windowsill. More garbage left strewn without a care, I thought.

The train meandered along through the hills, wending around corners, through tunnels, into stations. I’m not sure what made me look more closely but I did. And what I thought was carelessly tossed garbage turned out to be the most intricate little origami bird fashioned from a train ticket.

Gone in an instant was my indignant, self-righteous irritation at the apparent littering -- replaced by instant wonder at the ingenuity, imagination, and creativity of the human being who took a moment or so to craft this ticket bird. That such a commonplace object could be turned into a small marvel was completely striking.

And I wondered - are we always ready to assume the worst about people’s motives? Are we always geared up to be proven right in our beliefs that people are going to make a mess over creating something incredible? Here I had assumed first that it was mere garbage but on closer inspection, it was a beautiful reminder that we’re just as capable of creative resourcefulness and exquisite creativity. A reminder that it’s this side of our talents that will tie us into a more fulfilling and proactive trajectory to ensure our planet’s well-being.

Small wonders are around us every day, and yet sometimes we’re too busy, too rushed, too self-assured to notice them. Yet, it is precisely when our picture of the world is already set in stone and we don’t want it rippled, that it makes sense to take time out to challenge our notions, to let in the small wonders. And then, to remind ourselves that we too, are a small wonder in all that we are and do.

P.S. That little origami ticket bird now sits on my desk, a reminder to keep things simple, to stop and notice life’s little moments.

Rediscovering the meaningful Mother's Day

"I wanted Mother’s Day to be a day of sentiment, not profit."
– Anna Jarvis

Mother’s Day is celebrated on May 9th 2010 in the USA, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, and other countries; it’s an occasion of flowers, gifts, visits, meals, and cards. Viewed principally as a way of honoring mothers, it’s an established annual event -- but is it still meaningful?

The American roots of Mother’s Day go back to the nineteenth century, to Anna Reeves Jarvis and her day of awareness to reduce poor health conditions in her community, for which she believed mothers to be the best advocates. Not long after, Julia Ward Howe was busy in Boston organizing a day for mothers to rally for peace, first held in 1872. After the death of Anna Reeves Jarvis in 1905, her daughter Anna M Jarvis, undertook to carry out her mother’s wish to have an official day for mothers. Tireless in her efforts, Anna even gave up her day job to find time to petition government for official adoption of the date. She succeeded and the occasion has since spread worldwide, celebrated annually in many countries. Despite the success, however, Anna herself became embittered as she watched the occasion change from one of honoring, to what she saw as being one of marketing and purchasing; apparently, she ended her days regretting her role in ever creating the day.

In learning about Anna's mixed emotions, I sensed a kindred spirit in that feeling of annoyance that a respectful observance flourished as a marketing opportunity. Even as a child I was flummoxed by the requirement for a) purchased card; b) purchased gift; and c) purchased meal out. Memories of long car trips to visit various mothers, aunts, grandmothers, and the credit card maxed out yet again, with my own mother looking frazzled on a day she was supposed to enjoy, left me feeling that the occasion seemed to lack the dignified and relaxed air it was supposedly meant to carry. But it wasn’t those visits that bothered me (well, all right, the hairy chin kisses did), it was the sense that this celebration was too commercialized.

Mothers’ Day brings out catalog craziness. One example I read had the headline: “Because mom deserves it.” Underneath this, along with the ubiquitous roses and chocolates (said roses looking suspiciously over-perfect), was a fine display of kitchenware! Kitchenware?! Mom deserves that?! I've never been able to understand just why it is OK to give a gift to a loved one that gets used by the entire household; such a gift connotes “work”, “cleaning”, “chores”! Call me antsy (and I’m willing to be enlightened on how being given a kettle, a lasagna dish, or a set of saucepans means: “Mom, I value you for the person you are”), but just how personal a gift is that?!

And should there be just one day a year when everyone else stops and says “Yay, you’re my mom?!” Of course not! How can all the amazingness, the cherishing, the good, the love that mothers are, be bundled up into one event accompanied by purchased cards, hothouse flowers, and kitchen gizmos?

Perhaps by now you're worrying that I'm pressuring for removal of the day! Hopefully I can redeem myself, for I've softened over the years. When my mother was alive, I’d call her for a chat, and despite Anna Jarvis’ swipe that cards were “a poor excuse for the letter you are too lazy to write”, I’d send one each Mother's Day, because being interstate and not exactly into writing my mother letters, it was a meaningful act for me. She enjoyed talking to me and this arrangement sufficed for both of us. It was on becoming a mother myself that I was forced to make a slight shift in perception -- children will inevitably come home from school with handmade cards and gifts, their heads and hearts filled with the importance of Mother’s Day. And what mother could possibly resist the tender-hearted, fully engaged gifting of such personally crafted love? From that first handmade effort, I realized that the meaningfulness of Mother’s Day is found in that very essence of pre-commercialized childhood, when human-to-human love is expressed through selflessness, through creation by one’s own hands of something that carries enormous love and meaning, and through the pride of giving to someone who means the whole world to you.

Today, I respect that my child believes this occasion matters and because of his belief, it does to me too. It doesn’t mean I want buy-in to the kitchen gadgets but it does mean that I'm highly appreciative that my family goes to great lengths to celebrate the occasion with me in a way that reflects what I care about. I receive hand-drawn cards, artwork from the heart, nature crafts, and if I do get purchased gifts, I'm given wonderful, considered Fair Trade treats such as soap from India, a necklace crafted in Peru, or a bar of Fair Trade chocolate. For me, it’s this thoughtfulness and honor for my beliefs about what matters that fills my heart with love on Mother’s Day.

How do you make your Mother’s Day meaningful? It’s not my place to tell you – I’d like hope you're keen to reflect on it and realize whether there are things about the way you currently celebrate it that you’d like to change. However, as guidance can be handy, here are a few ideas for both those honoring mom, and for moms who want to make the day special, to inspire your own thoughts on creating meaningfulness:

• Recognize that a shared household is a household of shared responsibilities. This means no appliances, no kitchen gadgets, no cleaning equipment ever has a place in being a personal gift on Mother’s Day. If your house needs that stuff, buy it when you need it, as a household.
• Avoid gifts that cost the Earth -- and your wallet. Instead, make something from the heart and use recycled items where possible. And make your own card! Children’s artwork is an ideal gift and can be framed with twigs, or paper borders. It's also a good idea to recycle the cards after.
• Spend time in nature together. Nature sustains us, nourishes us, and can also heal our spirit. A nature walk or hike with a picnic lunch in tow is a very affordable and connecting experience as a family. And mom gets to choose her favorite walking spot unless she’d like a surprise!
• Go Fair Trade. If you don’t fancy your handicraft skills (although it's a good time to improve them!), resort to purchasing Fair Trade items and help other moms in the process! Avoid the big and expensive – keep things simple, from the heart. 
• Eat locally. If you’re going out, try to eat somewhere that sources its products locally and that has organic items on the menu. If you’re eating at home, make mom a meal that is locally sourced (your own garden, perhaps?!), organic, and filled with the love of your toil – that’s right, make a big effort!
• Talk about the concepts of honor, respect, and love. It’s a nice occasion to discuss meaningfulness and gratitude as a family. If your family is weaning off a more commercialized version of Mother’s Day, it could be the year to set the expectations for coming years.

Whatever you choose to do, make it personal. Don’t get hung up on me or anyone else telling you it’s thoughtless to buy a card or that longed-for bundt pan – if your heart is truly in it, then it is thoughtful, and it does have meaning. We create meaning through being mindful about our choices, and really, that’s the whole point of celebrating any occasion, Mother's Day included. And with that, wishing you a very meaningful Mother's Day!

Friday Featured Friend -- Kasey Collins

“My goal is to make people aware of the world around them, so that they will be moved to protect it.” ~ Kasey

This week we’re introducing everyone to an amazing nature photographer, Kasey Collins. Kasey hails from Wisconsin and she has an exquisite eye for taking photos that take away your breath. We’re lucky enough to be able to put some of them on display here and fortunately, you’ll also be able to take some time to explore her photos through the links to her work below. We’re honored to be able to share with you Kasey’s very personal and touching journey; through Kasey's story, we discovered a wonderful person who has found both healing and inspiration in nature and who continues to share nature's beauty with us, hoping to remind us just how vital nature is to our well-being.

Kasey's childhood was filled with visits to many National Parks and historical sites in the United States, instilling in her an early appreciation of the beauty and magnificence of natural and creative places. At the age of 17, Kasey spent a year in Australia as a foreign exchange student. Her host family lived on a farmette, and she loved every moment of helping to raise the animals there. Kasey found that she enjoyed Australia so much that she returned for another stay after finishing high school, spending time horse riding and seeing more of Australia’s nature. Kasey says that, in looking back, she “learned, from my childhood, that I loved nature… all nature, everywhere.”

Inspired by her love of nature and a desire to work in a field that would keep her close to nature, Kasey decided to pursue related studies. In order to be able to afford college, Kasey found herself holding down two jobs trying to make ends meet, to save enough money. During this time, she married, but the workload didn't ease for Kasey as her husband's work was intermittent. Ever determined, she continued working hard and succeeded in getting a small student loan toward her studies. Armed with this loan, and a full-time job by day, Kasey enrolled in a Recreational Resource Management program run by the Madison Area Technical College, enthusiastically undertaking her studies at night -- at last she felt she was on her way! During her second semester, Kasey fell pregnant; she found that she was able to continue studying, even after Sara's birth, so for a time things continued to go as planned. Tragically, however, Sara died when only a few months old. Understandably devastated, Kasey needed time to herself to grieve, so she discontinued her studies temporarily. Unfortunately for Kasey, this was the start of more hardship, as her loan became immediately repayable, with the college deciding not long after to drop Kasey's course from its syllabus. At this point, Kasey says that she felt “there was no way and no reason for me to go back.”

In response to her deep sadness, Kasey fled to New York City. While she feels in retrospect that much of her time there wasn’t spent profitably, she did find a path of healing through spending “every free moment” in the American Museum of Natural History, where she soaked up everything she could learn about nature from the museum's displays and exhibitions. Her drive for knowing more and more about natural history was a source of solace for Kasey, and she says: “I must have bought every book in their gift shop!”, as she sought avidly to build her knowledge about the natural world.

Finding her way back to Wisconsin, Kasey's strength and resilience continue to be a source of inspiration. She is now very busy, working for an auction house, and sharing her life with children, animals, and causes, being her usual giving and compassionate self. She is guardian and carer for her 11 year old nephew, whose mother sadly passed away. She spends much time sharing her love of nature with her nephew and nurturing his creativity and talents. Unsurprisingly given Kasey's empathy, the animals in Kasey's life have been saved from their own challenging circumstances -- she has three tamed ex-feral cats and a rescued shelter dog.

Kasey's photography is the expression of her perspicacious and observant personality combined with her never-ending love for nature. Kasey tells us that “though I never was able to go back to college, I don't ever stop learning, observing, studying and asking questions. I took up photography because I believe it's important to draw attention to the wonders of the world - even the tiny ones.” Kasey comprehends innately that revealing the small wonders of life is a pathway to reminding us gently that we need to cherish our world, to stop and see what is around us and be grateful for it. In her own words, Kasey says: “I want to bring to light the effect we humans have on the planet. I want people to see exactly what I see, in that place, at that moment. Whether beautiful or disturbing, perfect or imperfect, these places added together are our Earth and they all matter.” Kasey's portfolio gives a good sense of the focus she takes when photographing natural subjects, with such themes as: Birds of Wisconsin, A Closer Look, Man and Nature, and Plants, Trees, and Leaves. It is Kasey's eye for detail, for noticing the little marvels that are so easy to overlook that make her work unique and intensely uplifting. By drawing our attention to the incredibleness of nature, Kasey provides us with an opportunity to see the natural world in a new, more enlightened way that nudges us to remember the importance of accepting nature for its own intrinsic worth.

Kasey looks at the future with brightness and hope. She is currently working on a new photo project entitled “What Are We Teaching Our Children?”. This project will focus on the wasteful habits that often go by unnoticed in schools, such as how many ways we unthinkingly discard paper, or the habit of taking too much plastic to school in lunchboxes. Kasey says that she intends to involve her nephew and some of the children from his school in this project, emphasizing that “it's important to get kids involved and motivated to make changes.” We're totally on your wavelength with that belief Kasey! And after this inspiring project, Kasey is hoping to make a recycled art project -- and she also intends to get around to tuning her piano! 

Thanks for sharing your special journey with us Kasey. It has been intensely personal and truly uplifting to witness your determination to guide us into letting more nature into our lives through the power of your photos, revealing through your creativity how nature can both teach and heal us. And the journey doesn’t stop here – we urge you to take the opportunity to view the beauty of Kasey’s photography on her own site Kasey Collins Nature Photographer portfolio, and on Deviant Art. And, if you want to have a really good friend who shares great green info on Twitter, check her out at @2greenfish!

An American and New Zealand Thanksgiving

I can’t be home in New Jersey with my family for Thanksgiving this year (got to keep those air miles down!).  They are gathering and I send loving thoughts to them. I also thought it was a good time to stop and give thanks.

Growing up between New Zealand and the US, I sometimes felt funny about the whole Thanksgiving story – especially the role of  the Native American (Indians) – you know, how they saved the settlers by teaching them how to eat corn and turkey and live off the abundant new world they had come to.  Then, some few hundred years later how those Native Americans have seen their land and culture stretched to breaking point. 

One of my favorite courses in University (at Rutgers in New Brunswick, NJ) was Location Conflict with Bill Lake.  I did a special project on the Lakota Sioux, and American Constitutional, Environmental and Occupational Safety and Health legislation. What I learnt back then (1989/90) shocked me into taking a stronger interest in both women’s health and the way we manage industry and land.  Back then, Lakota women had 500 times the US average or fetal death (ie miscarriage and stillbirth) and their neonatal stats were also awful. 

I do not believe these statistics can be separated from the way Uranium tailings were managed (or mismanaged) on their land.  I learnt about WARN (women of All Red Nations) and was inspired by their work  -- read this article about in-situ leach mining contamination on Indian lands, and weep  -- then take action. For anyone who thinks Nuclear is a solution to the climate crisis, I beg you to understand where Uranium comes from, and how it is extracted.

There is no word in the Sioux language which can convey the meaning “to own the earth”.  You can find out more about the History of the American Indian Movement (AIM), here.  When I was 12 years old I read “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee” by Dee Brown and this classic book still makes compelling reading.  Kiwi-American Anna Paquin was in the movie.  I haven’t seen it, but plan to track it down! 

Hegel  The philosopher said: “What experience and history teach is this -- that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles deduced from it.”  Lets prove him wrong!

On my return to NZ, I went to work for Maruwhenua, the Maori (Indigenous NZ People) Secretariat of the Ministry for the Environment.  I worked on contaminated and sacred sites, visited Marae (tribal meeting houses and communities) and talked with engineers about protecting the Mauri (life giving force) of rivers.  I love living in a land where we strive to be bicultural – even if we have a long way to go.

So this Thanksgiving I have much to be grateful for.  I am grateful for the beautiful planet we call earth (but maybe should be called “water” – I’ll blog on that another day!).  I am grateful for the blossoming of many cultures and traditions – amongst my family, friends and the world around us.  I am grateful for life itself.  I am grateful for my family and the love of friends.  I am grateful for the wonderful team I have around me here at MiniMonos, and I am grateful for the work.  And for the privilege of being part of The Climate Project, the learning I have had, and the relationships I am building. 

What are you grateful for?

A breakfast exercise in gratitude

My mother's friend Dorothy Baker composed this the other day -- when you read it, you'll understand why I had to share it with you. Happy Thanksgiving! Photo of happy dog by enchante on Stock Exchange -Kaila

I’m grateful for
Water, friends, smiles
Color, body, snow, ice
And telescopes
And all the other scopes out scoping about.

I’m grateful for
The Internet, healers, and pianos
And for the people who play them.

Radio, paperbacks and sunlight
What is light anyway?

I don’t want to forget animals, puddles, and paint.
What an amazing invention paint is.

I like words, imagination and fire.
What is fire? Where and how does it occur naturally?
Does it have to have something to burn?

I’m grateful for my home, my family, this coming feast,
My parents, my teachers, endless ideas,
The sciences, the arts and you my dears.

With love,
Dorothy

 

A good way for your child to fall in love with nature

We were lucky to be invited to write an environmental guest blog for Good about encouraging your child to have a relationship with nature.

Good magazine is New Zealand’s first carbon-neutral magazine for forward-thinking New Zealanders who want to live more sustainable lives with less impact on the environment. Packed with inspirational people, world-changing ideas and practical, down-to-earth advice, Good will arm you with all the information you need to make wise choices for yourself, your family and our planet.

Read more about A boy, his grandfather and the environment: a love story

 
  
  
  

Six Great Tips for Dads Raising Sons

I must say, over the years that I've delved into world-renowned psychologist Steve Biddulph's books, seminars and interviews, I've become a complete convert. Biddulph's philosophy is "that as the world economy slows down, we need to rediscover community and find time to love our families, our earth, and those who share our lives." And for over 20 years he's been teaching families how to do this. His guidance is humorous, clear and so effective that without exception, the people I talk to who have come into contact with him, have invariably had head-slapping "OF COURSE!!" moments. 

Biddulph encourages fathers to take the time to actively parent their sons and provide them with a strong role model, teaching them how to control and ‘drive’ their male bodies and respect women. When I look at some of Steve Biddulph’s tips for Dads, I’m grateful that these are a natural fit for the man in our house, allowing me to often tip-toe away (or in some cases, run) from the boy-scene:

1. Helping with babies

My Other Half was truly the other half when it came to our son as a baby. Having successfully been through fatherhood before, he calmly handled many nights, diapers and tantrums (mine).

2. Playing rough and tumble

Thanks Steve, this one I’m happy to leave completely up to Dad. In fact there’s a rule in our house when our son comes into our room for his 7am cuddle: No Roughhouse Allowed until The Mother has Exited the Bed. We all know I’m not keen to start the day with screeching in my ear and a stray elbow to the face. In their favourite game, Hand of Doom, Dad’s big mitt takes on a life of its own and gets completely out of control, much to my alarm. It certainly gets me out of bed quick-smart. By the time I’ve finished my shower, the laughter and bed-wrecking has completely exhausted them and its time to start the day.

3. Telling stories

I’m sure Biddulph means books. Our son prefers to snuggle up to Dad and hear a juicy story about acts of bad behaviour Dad got up to as a kid. Like pouring a pint of milk over his brother’s head or snorting it from his nostrils at the dinner table and once, stealing money from his sister. The resulting hideous family enquiry put him off theft for life. I can only hope these tales are cautionary.

4. Giving firm (but not mean) discipline

Biddulph advises Dads not to be the soft parent and leave the disciplining to Mum. Fortunately, my husband invented the Instant Ladder of Doom. (It occurs to me that Doom features a bit in our house -- except this one is serious). The moment the call goes out from Dad that the Instant Ladder of Doom has been activated,  Son knows that unless he gets back into line, there is a step-by-step punishment scale; one bit of back-chat earning him an extra rung. It works. He’s only once gone to rung 3 and having his favourite toy put on top of the wardrobe (in full view) for a week was enough.  He didn’t want to contemplate anything worse than that. 

5. Having outdoor adventures

Father and Son discovered a hidden trail up a hill and through a forest not far from our house, which they explored on a whim and a scorching-hot day for 4 hours without water. “It was AWESOME MUM! You should come next time!” yelled Son. Yep. Love to. With sunscreen, water, change of clothes, insect repellent, a picnic basket and GPS navigator. Still want me there?

6. Teaching respect and communication with girls

Fathers are urged not to talk disparagingly in front of their sons about women’s appearance, weight or looks. Again, I’m hugely grateful that my husband often says to our son: “Isn’t your mother beautiful?” while they both gaze at me fondly. However I wouldn’t mind Dad also teaching him how to be discerning. I’m not sure when I’m in my flannel PJ’s with birds-nest hair, fleeing the bed, that it’s actually my best look.

I'm inspired by the fabulous moms who left comments on our last blog: Hooray For Men Raising Boys, celebrating the wonderful job their partners are doing. If you're a mom, what inspires you about the father in your house? If you're a dad raising a son, what tips do you have for other dads? 

Love miles -- finding connection in a disconnected world

I am a Kiwi mother who has spent a lot of my life in the US. My father, stepmother, three brothers, their wives, my sister, two nephews and one niece live in the United States. Indeed, in my family, only my father (who has lived in the US for something like 40 years), my husband, my children and I are not American citizens.

My eldest child, Rupert, now lives and works in the UK. Every year, Kiwis and Aussies move to the UK after graduation to get a few years work experience before (usually) coming back home to settle down and start families. NZ and Ireland top the world in having the greatest numbers of graduates -- more than 20% each -- living overseas.

I miss Rupe terribly, although I am also proud of him for having made his own way in the world.

My husband’s sister and her husband and children also live in the UK. We wish we could see more of them. I went to university in New Jersey, and the friends from my class are scattered across the US. Even my friends from high school are spread out. I just found three on Facebook -- in San Francisco, Austin and North Carolina. My high school sweetheart is there too.

How to stay in touch in this world when we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint? How to say I love you when life gets tough for them? Or for us?

I have always used email, but now have started ‘getting’ Facebook.

Business seems to be getting better at communicating over the web -- better broadband really does mean better productivity. But can it mean more love?

We all want to be connected. I think that it is very interesting that social networks are on the rise at the same time as our lives are becoming increasingly isolated and private. Once we shared more as a village… cooking, entertainment, healthcare. Now, I don’t want to have to share an oven, or a tap, and we watch a lot of movies at home. I’d love to have my own pool or beach.

However!

While so many of us are aspiring to owning these things for ourselves… at the same time there has been this rise of the social network, of MySpace and Facebook and Bebo and LinkedIn and all the other ways we feel a need to be on email and texting and connecting to other people all the time.

Children under 13 don’t belong on MySpace or Bebo or Facebook or the others. So what can they do instead? How can we make it easy for children to feel connected?

Well, obviously by taking the time to connect with them, to be with them. But also by making it easy for them to connect with friends, and easy for them to make friends. Like children have always done.

I want to build the first social network parents actually want their children to join…

What do you think? How do you use social networks? How should our children?