Six Great Tips for Dads Raising Sons

I must say, over the years that I've delved into world-renowned psychologist Steve Biddulph's books, seminars and interviews, I've become a complete convert. Biddulph's philosophy is "that as the world economy slows down, we need to rediscover community and find time to love our families, our earth, and those who share our lives." And for over 20 years he's been teaching families how to do this. His guidance is humorous, clear and so effective that without exception, the people I talk to who have come into contact with him, have invariably had head-slapping "OF COURSE!!" moments. 

Biddulph encourages fathers to take the time to actively parent their sons and provide them with a strong role model, teaching them how to control and ‘drive’ their male bodies and respect women. When I look at some of Steve Biddulph’s tips for Dads, I’m grateful that these are a natural fit for the man in our house, allowing me to often tip-toe away (or in some cases, run) from the boy-scene:

1. Helping with babies

My Other Half was truly the other half when it came to our son as a baby. Having successfully been through fatherhood before, he calmly handled many nights, diapers and tantrums (mine).

2. Playing rough and tumble

Thanks Steve, this one I’m happy to leave completely up to Dad. In fact there’s a rule in our house when our son comes into our room for his 7am cuddle: No Roughhouse Allowed until The Mother has Exited the Bed. We all know I’m not keen to start the day with screeching in my ear and a stray elbow to the face. In their favourite game, Hand of Doom, Dad’s big mitt takes on a life of its own and gets completely out of control, much to my alarm. It certainly gets me out of bed quick-smart. By the time I’ve finished my shower, the laughter and bed-wrecking has completely exhausted them and its time to start the day.

3. Telling stories

I’m sure Biddulph means books. Our son prefers to snuggle up to Dad and hear a juicy story about acts of bad behaviour Dad got up to as a kid. Like pouring a pint of milk over his brother’s head or snorting it from his nostrils at the dinner table and once, stealing money from his sister. The resulting hideous family enquiry put him off theft for life. I can only hope these tales are cautionary.

4. Giving firm (but not mean) discipline

Biddulph advises Dads not to be the soft parent and leave the disciplining to Mum. Fortunately, my husband invented the Instant Ladder of Doom. (It occurs to me that Doom features a bit in our house -- except this one is serious). The moment the call goes out from Dad that the Instant Ladder of Doom has been activated,  Son knows that unless he gets back into line, there is a step-by-step punishment scale; one bit of back-chat earning him an extra rung. It works. He’s only once gone to rung 3 and having his favourite toy put on top of the wardrobe (in full view) for a week was enough.  He didn’t want to contemplate anything worse than that. 

5. Having outdoor adventures

Father and Son discovered a hidden trail up a hill and through a forest not far from our house, which they explored on a whim and a scorching-hot day for 4 hours without water. “It was AWESOME MUM! You should come next time!” yelled Son. Yep. Love to. With sunscreen, water, change of clothes, insect repellent, a picnic basket and GPS navigator. Still want me there?

6. Teaching respect and communication with girls

Fathers are urged not to talk disparagingly in front of their sons about women’s appearance, weight or looks. Again, I’m hugely grateful that my husband often says to our son: “Isn’t your mother beautiful?” while they both gaze at me fondly. However I wouldn’t mind Dad also teaching him how to be discerning. I’m not sure when I’m in my flannel PJ’s with birds-nest hair, fleeing the bed, that it’s actually my best look.

I'm inspired by the fabulous moms who left comments on our last blog: Hooray For Men Raising Boys, celebrating the wonderful job their partners are doing. If you're a mom, what inspires you about the father in your house? If you're a dad raising a son, what tips do you have for other dads? 

Comments

[Gia Machlin]

Great tips, Andrea! I feel like you wrote them about my husband! He certainly fills those roles in our household (with our son AND our daughter): the baby years - yup - he's much better than I on no sleep; the rough and tumble - absolutely - he's the one who wrestles with them sometimes to my annoyance; telling stories - ok, we both do that well; firm discipline - oh, yeah, when Daddy speaks the kids listen!; outdoor adventures - yeah - they do the camping trips without me and seem to really enjoy them (I don't get it either); teaching respect and communication - absolutely - you better believe my boy is respectful to women - his dad was brought up by two moms and now he has 4 grandmas - his kindness, tolerance, and empathy are unique for an 11 year old boy - good job Daddy!

[Andrea]

Thanks for your wonderful comments, Gia! Sounds like you have such a gorgeous boy. Its so great that your husband wrestles with both your son and your daughter! We always feel sad when some of our son's friends stand back, watching him and his father roughhouse. They are LONGING to jump into the fray but honestly don't know what to do. Husband just scoops them into the battle with a roar (and a squeal!) and it's all on. One poor boy got so excited he started biting and hitting - breaking rules our boy was taught about years ago. When I see this I really get how rough and tumble can teach kids to harness the power of their bodies -- especially in the heat of the moment!