What is a Wedding?

This week we travelled to Sonoma wine country for Kaila’s wedding.

Friends, family and children congregated in a beautiful meadow under 100 year-old Redwood trees.  Surely the first hallowed ground was in a place like this. 

College friends reminisced and family reconnected.  Friends became reunited and the coincidences (“God’s winks” said an aunt) that brought us all here were re-told.

The people we love, come to support and celebrate with us.

Every married person there thinks of their own, hope-filled wedding.  We softly remember the vows we made to the one we love.  We think of the dead, of those we loved and who could not be there; siblings, parents, grandparents, spouses.  We think of lost loves and we feel for those who have not found love.  We delight for those who have recently discovered a spark, and we welcome newcomers who might become part of the fabric of our lives.

We remember the survivors; of holocausts, pogroms, famine and great immigrant journeys looking for hope for their children’s children.  “This wedding is a celebration of diversity” said the bride’s step-father.  Without stating it, we remember that an Irish-Jewish wedding is about hope. We feel Mazel Tov and Congratulations with the same breath. We are glad for the triumph of tolerance in our lives and we remember that tolerance starts here – with two.  If we can love our husbands and wives from other cultures, religions, traditions, if we can find ways in our own daily lives to honor our beliefs, while supporting our beloved’s – surely this is how we change the world?

I was taught that we change the world, one child at a time. But maybe we change the world, one marriage, one relationship at a time.  If our marriages are truly loving, maybe we teach our children to be this way in the world.

We ate in an orchard. How appropriate to celebrate love by eating under the protection of Eve’s fruit!  The abundance of nature’s bounty and love.

Well done, my friend. May you be happy and, again, to quote your stepfather: multiply when, or if appropriate.  Your love is a light in the world. 

Six Great Tips for Dads Raising Sons

I must say, over the years that I've delved into world-renowned psychologist Steve Biddulph's books, seminars and interviews, I've become a complete convert. Biddulph's philosophy is "that as the world economy slows down, we need to rediscover community and find time to love our families, our earth, and those who share our lives." And for over 20 years he's been teaching families how to do this. His guidance is humorous, clear and so effective that without exception, the people I talk to who have come into contact with him, have invariably had head-slapping "OF COURSE!!" moments. 

Biddulph encourages fathers to take the time to actively parent their sons and provide them with a strong role model, teaching them how to control and ‘drive’ their male bodies and respect women. When I look at some of Steve Biddulph’s tips for Dads, I’m grateful that these are a natural fit for the man in our house, allowing me to often tip-toe away (or in some cases, run) from the boy-scene:

1. Helping with babies

My Other Half was truly the other half when it came to our son as a baby. Having successfully been through fatherhood before, he calmly handled many nights, diapers and tantrums (mine).

2. Playing rough and tumble

Thanks Steve, this one I’m happy to leave completely up to Dad. In fact there’s a rule in our house when our son comes into our room for his 7am cuddle: No Roughhouse Allowed until The Mother has Exited the Bed. We all know I’m not keen to start the day with screeching in my ear and a stray elbow to the face. In their favourite game, Hand of Doom, Dad’s big mitt takes on a life of its own and gets completely out of control, much to my alarm. It certainly gets me out of bed quick-smart. By the time I’ve finished my shower, the laughter and bed-wrecking has completely exhausted them and its time to start the day.

3. Telling stories

I’m sure Biddulph means books. Our son prefers to snuggle up to Dad and hear a juicy story about acts of bad behaviour Dad got up to as a kid. Like pouring a pint of milk over his brother’s head or snorting it from his nostrils at the dinner table and once, stealing money from his sister. The resulting hideous family enquiry put him off theft for life. I can only hope these tales are cautionary.

4. Giving firm (but not mean) discipline

Biddulph advises Dads not to be the soft parent and leave the disciplining to Mum. Fortunately, my husband invented the Instant Ladder of Doom. (It occurs to me that Doom features a bit in our house -- except this one is serious). The moment the call goes out from Dad that the Instant Ladder of Doom has been activated,  Son knows that unless he gets back into line, there is a step-by-step punishment scale; one bit of back-chat earning him an extra rung. It works. He’s only once gone to rung 3 and having his favourite toy put on top of the wardrobe (in full view) for a week was enough.  He didn’t want to contemplate anything worse than that. 

5. Having outdoor adventures

Father and Son discovered a hidden trail up a hill and through a forest not far from our house, which they explored on a whim and a scorching-hot day for 4 hours without water. “It was AWESOME MUM! You should come next time!” yelled Son. Yep. Love to. With sunscreen, water, change of clothes, insect repellent, a picnic basket and GPS navigator. Still want me there?

6. Teaching respect and communication with girls

Fathers are urged not to talk disparagingly in front of their sons about women’s appearance, weight or looks. Again, I’m hugely grateful that my husband often says to our son: “Isn’t your mother beautiful?” while they both gaze at me fondly. However I wouldn’t mind Dad also teaching him how to be discerning. I’m not sure when I’m in my flannel PJ’s with birds-nest hair, fleeing the bed, that it’s actually my best look.

I'm inspired by the fabulous moms who left comments on our last blog: Hooray For Men Raising Boys, celebrating the wonderful job their partners are doing. If you're a mom, what inspires you about the father in your house? If you're a dad raising a son, what tips do you have for other dads? 

Hooray for Men Raising Boys!

I confess that I easily slip into the role of a good wife: I’m always prepared to let my husband apologise when I’m wrong.   But somehow, amongst the things he does which can invariably irritate me, I seem to have struck the Dad-Jackpot. I find it difficult to fault his parenting. Believe me, that’s a miracle, and for that I am eternally grateful.

The other person I’m hugely grateful for is psychologist and world-renowned author Steve Biddulph. His classic book, Raising Boys, has sold millions of copies and is now in third edition. He recommends that as mother to a son who is now 7, once I’ve ensured there’s a good man leading our charge, I should make an effort to butt-out of the testosterone zone (great, no effort required!). Dad should be leading our boy with firmness and love, into manhood.

Biddulph claims that our generation was the most under-fathered that ever lived on earth, except for the Second World War. By the 1980’s the average time a boy spent with his father talking, playing and directly interacting, was a mere 8 minutes a day. No wonder, Biddulph says, that we have low acheiving boys with high accident and suicide rates. He describes suicide as death from loneliness. The good news is that this generation of new Dads are spending treble the time with their kids. But...hang on!  That’s still only 24 minutes a day!

So, My Husband, I would like to thank you for the love songs you make up and sing to our son every night.  Thank you for the revolting blue car that I refuse to travel in, which you are restoring and sharing adventures in with both your gorgeous boys. Thank you for the roughhouse and fart jokes that you mercifully wait until I am at least halfway out the door, before you -- um -- let rip.  Thank you for the school pick-ups and participation in sport. And thank you for making our son laugh. All the time.

The way you’re going, if you’re not careful I may have to become a bad wife and start apologising when I’m wrong.

  

What My Kids Don’t Know Can Hurt Them

 We’re very privileged to have a guest blog from Beth at Confessions of a Mom, her wonderful website for real moms which “will celebrate the food on your shirt and mourn the hair you pull out each day.”

I started thinking about the things I saw and did as a kid that my children simply would not comprehend. I sometimes tell them stories about when I was young, but often, I’m ashamed of how “it used to be”.
 
I am not old by any means, yet much of the environmental practices I witnessed growing up are frowned upon now. I child of a couple baby boomers, I was raised on a farm in rural Minnesota. We had two ways of disposing of garbage: burning and dumping. Behind the machine shed was a large pit where everything was dumped that did not burn. These items included old appliances, furniture, glass jars and bottles, metal, farm implements, gas jugs and insecticide barrels, old fencing and barbed wire…you get the picture.
 
If you think I was raised in a family where these practices were the exception, think again. Travel to any farm in Minnesota, and I bet you that somewhere above or below the soil is a personal landfill. You certainly will find a place or two where dirty oil was disposed of for “free” on the farm land.
 
My family wasn’t wasteful. We certainly didn’t open the front door and toss things into the yard. In fact, my parents mowed acres of land around our house, planted flowers and fruit trees, and kept “junk” out of site. However, I do not remember ever hearing the word “recycle”, much less having any discussions or family rules on the subject.  Pop cans were the only thing that I can remember people saving, and that was for the purpose of getting paid for the aluminum.
 
If we had weeds pop up in the gravel of our driveway, RoundUp was readily available to give the pesky weeds a squirt. Organic farming wasn’t heard of back then, although we did use a combination of pulling and spraying weeds in the fields. I do remember getting lectures about what chemicals not to touch and the harm they could do if we disobeyed.
 
Driving down a rural road meant seeing all kind of garbage that had been pitched out of a moving vehicle. There was no civic group adopting a highway or gathering garbage for a visual improvement project. I don’t remember my parents allowing us to throw garbage from the car, but I remember seeing it done CONSTANTLY by others.
 
We’ve come a long way in the last three decades, but have so far yet to go. I am happy my children wouldn’t even understand how people used to treat our world. My hope is that my grandchildren will see such a drastic improvement in green practices, that they will have a hard time comprehending the way we do things today. Let’s learn, teach, and encourage each other so generations to come won’t have to shake their heads quite so much at history.

Check out the thoughtful articles, hilarious confessions, top most interesting people and great recipes on Confessions of a Mom or follow Beth on Twitter.

Color your monkey!

We always love to know what you think of our new developments and any ideas you have.

If you give us feedback while you’re on the island, you’ll be able to change your monkey avatar's color!

When you’re on MiniMonos Island, simply let us know what you think, in the text box at the top of the page. Then tell us what color you’d like to be.  You could go from:

This         to    this!

     

And, even better, your feedback will give a real child in India clean drinking water for a whole month!

New MiniMonos Treehouses!

We’re well on the way with our development of MiniMonos. Over the next few days we’ll be letting you know about some exciting new changes on MiniMonos Island. A huge thanks to parents and kids who are giving us feedback and helping us to create a virtual world for good green kids.

Check out these cool new eco-pads for you to choose from:

 

           

      

     

To get your treehouse, just create an avatar and log in!

An Inconvenient Truth for an audience of children

Back in 2007, MiniMonos founder Melissa Clark-Reynolds was one of the first two Kiwis to train with Al Gore. Last month, I went to Melbourne for a similar training, and joined her as a Climate Project Ambassador. 

I wish I could adequately convey how powerful that weekend was. When I went to Australia, I knew -- in my head -- what an important issue we were dealing with. When I returned, I felt it, in my heart and in my teeth and in my bones.

Through our Twitter account, I was able to send out continuous updates throughout the event. Thanks to the magical people I met there, and the many kind and supportive responses I got back on Twitter, I was also able to appreciate what an incredibly powerful community we make, those many millions of us seeking to set ourselves on a healing path. We are strong. We are united. We can transform the world. We will transform the world.

In what was for me one of the most meaningful moments of the weekend, someone asked Mr Gore how he kept going on such a difficult journey. He replied that what sustained him was a profound sense of privilege at being able to do this work. There is great joy, he said, in doing something so truly worthwhile.

My own varied emotions include anger (that anyone could wish to delay climate action in any way) and sadness (at the many climate tragedies we've already seen). But overwhelmingly, I share Mr Gore's feeling of gratitude, for the honour of participating in this movement that calls us to our highest selves. 

My first Inconvenient Truth presentation was to the Project Management Institute of New Zealand. I've done a fair bit of public speaking, and although I might get a few butterflies, I generally enjoy being at the front of the room. But for this, I was terrified. Luckily, there was a seat at the front; as I was being introduced, I actually thought I might faint.

But the audience was kind, and attentive, and passionate about the topic. They didn't squirm when I got choked up at images of Hurricane Katrina -- choked up even though I've seen those images many times before. They stayed with me through the Victoria bushfires and through my proposal that the Project Management Institute add a seventh constraint, sustainability, to their six-constraint project model (time, cost, scope, risk, quality, customer satisfaction). In short, they were great.

No, in the six presentations I've given so far, my hardest audience by far was the children.

Last week, I presented to two groups of schoolchildren, ranging in age from 7 to 9 years old. The presentation was a bit different -- adapted to the audience -- and included much more interactivity than the one for adults ("Who can tell me what this is? Who knows the name of this planet?"). But the most important thing is how incredible the kids were. When I asked what we could do to save the planet, the answers came fast and thick: "Use electric cars!" "We could put a mini-wind turbine on the roof of the car to supply the electricity! As the car moves, it would drive the turbine!" "We could put solar panels on the roof of the car!" "You could have a UV lamp that powers the solar panels!"

The enthusiasm and creativity of these kids astounded me -- I had expected to hear things like, "We could change the lightbulbs, I guess..." They reminded me of what's possible if you're not bound by what's been.

I'd like to publicly thank those kids. If you're ever feeling like your passion for the environment is hitting barriers, if you ever feel even a hint of despair about the state of our planet, take heart. You are not alone in this. You have Mr Gore. You have me. And you have an entire generation of children who are limitless in their optimism and their potential.

This movement is an opportunity for joy; I'm grateful you're a part of it with me.

Note: This post was written by Kaila Colbin

Your feedback gives back to a child in India

At MiniMonos, we’re releasing new iterations of our kids’ virtual world on a regular basis. We do this hand-in-hand with a group of wonderful kids, parents and enthusiasts who explore and play on MiniMonos Island and give us hugely valuable feedback.

We’re really grateful for that feedback, and we want to acknowledge everyone who shares their ideas and opinions. So what can we do to recognize your contributions without giving you ‘stuff’ in return -- to recognize your contributions in a way that's consistent with our core value of raising good kids, not good consumers?

So we decided that your feedback could be directly responsible for giving to a child in need. Since one of the new activities on MiniMonos Island involves cleaning up polluted water to see beautiful fish, we thought it would be wonderful if a few minutes of (fun!) time for you or your child could enable you to give a whole month’s clean water to a child who needs it.
 
Through our partners Buy1Give1, your feedback supports Bird India's work to give Indian schoolchildren clean water. In Bird India’s words: "Many schools do not have a drinking water facility. And those that do have, cannot guarantee the safety of the water. It can be highly contaminated. By giving children access to safe drinking water, it encourages a habit to drink plenty of clean water, which is highly beneficial for improving their health."

Here’s how to do it:

1. Visit MiniMonos and create a monkey avatar (it’s free).
2. Explore and play on MiniMonos Island for as long as you like.
3. While you’re there, you’ll see a text box at the top of every page. Simply tell us in a few words what you think!

If 10 people per day give feedback, 10 children in India will get clean water for a month! We’ll keep you posted how the count to 10 children per day is going on Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks for helping us make a fun and beautiful world for kids!

Here’s a tip about a secret MiniMonos code that allows you to dive into the sea: When you’re at the beach press ‘S’ and wait for the swim sign to pop up!

Do, love, and look forward

My best friend recently passed this saying on to me: she said, “We all need something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.” So I started reflecting on how those things manifest in my life. I've shared them below, but I'd love to hear from you in the comments and find out what you do, whom you love, and what you look forward to!

Something to do
I thrive on work that satisfies, work that brings joy. This doesn’t just mean paid work. I spent Monday in my garden -- spreading compost, replacing mulch, weeding, reflecting, and having a lovely glass of Pinot Gris on my deck as the sun set. My muscles had that satisfied feeling of being used, my nails were full of dirt, and native birds were pecking away at newly exposed bugs. I found myself tired and smiling.  Happily I came inside to prepare vegetables for my family’s dinner.

Meaningful work is a blessing!  Winston Churchill once said, "Blessed are those whose work is their hobby, and whose hobby is their work." The work I have done on climate change and children in the environment has been the most spiritually and intellectually rewarding work I have done for years. How great when our work and our search for meaning collide!

Someone to love
For many people, this will seem self explanatory. It seems we all have someone to love: our families, our friends. 

Sadly, this actually isn’t true for all of us. Some of us have grown up in families where love is a complicated thing, mixed with violence or drugs or other abandonments. I have to say the very first time I truly fell in love was the moment I held my first child in my arms and looked into his beautiful eyes. At that moment I was flooded with a strength of feeling I had never had before. It's his birthday this week, and I am grateful for his being in my life.

Since that time, love has opened in my life in many ways. Love expands; the more we practice it, the more we experience it.

Love takes time; children need time.  Make time to love the people around you.

Something to look forward to
I look forward to us solving the climate crisis. This morning, my 9 year-old asked me about CFCs and the hole in the ozone layer. I explained to her how the banning of CFCs gave me hope. We've solved environmental issues at a global level before. If countries can get together on CFCs, surely we can get together on carbon? 

I look forward to teaching my grandchildren (not yet on the horizon) to snorkel, and to showing them the beauty of this wonderful world we live in.

I also look forward to hearing from you:

What do you do that creates meaning and purpose for you?

Who do you love?

What do you look forward to?