Hooray for Men Raising Boys!

I confess that I easily slip into the role of a good wife: I’m always prepared to let my husband apologise when I’m wrong.   But somehow, amongst the things he does which can invariably irritate me, I seem to have struck the Dad-Jackpot. I find it difficult to fault his parenting. Believe me, that’s a miracle, and for that I am eternally grateful.

The other person I’m hugely grateful for is psychologist and world-renowned author Steve Biddulph. His classic book, Raising Boys, has sold millions of copies and is now in third edition. He recommends that as mother to a son who is now 7, once I’ve ensured there’s a good man leading our charge, I should make an effort to butt-out of the testosterone zone (great, no effort required!). Dad should be leading our boy with firmness and love, into manhood.

Biddulph claims that our generation was the most under-fathered that ever lived on earth, except for the Second World War. By the 1980’s the average time a boy spent with his father talking, playing and directly interacting, was a mere 8 minutes a day. No wonder, Biddulph says, that we have low acheiving boys with high accident and suicide rates. He describes suicide as death from loneliness. The good news is that this generation of new Dads are spending treble the time with their kids. But...hang on!  That’s still only 24 minutes a day!

So, My Husband, I would like to thank you for the love songs you make up and sing to our son every night.  Thank you for the revolting blue car that I refuse to travel in, which you are restoring and sharing adventures in with both your gorgeous boys. Thank you for the roughhouse and fart jokes that you mercifully wait until I am at least halfway out the door, before you -- um -- let rip.  Thank you for the school pick-ups and participation in sport. And thank you for making our son laugh. All the time.

The way you’re going, if you’re not careful I may have to become a bad wife and start apologising when I’m wrong.

  

Comments

[Iona Elwood Smith]

Having struggled with the baby/toddler years my husband Michael really stepped up as a parent as the got a little older and a lot more interesting. While I still get very task orientated he's the one that listens to them and feeds their interest in absolutely everything with lots of love and patience. He is my hero and best of all he is my son's hero too.

[Erin Ely]

Yes, I totally agree with this. I also read this book many years ago (Raising Boys). My son is 19 now and he has a great relationship with his dad. It took me a bit to figure this out and back off of my motherly interference. It really paid off. I love the way they enjoy each others company and spend time together doing guy things around the house.

[Mei]

Am totally blessed as well to have a hubby who not only chips in alot, but loves it in spite of a long day at work. He came late into fatherhood, but completely at the right time as the love he shows our son is just the most sexy and enchanting thing to witness. So much so, he's wanting more kids and our son is only 9 months. Whaaaaoooooo matey!! ;)

[Mette Kristiansen]

Wonderful Blog Andrea! and top marks to your husband. I have often thought about the lack of time our generation got from our Dads but didnt think it was out of the norm. Can see now that our boys will grow up to be a lot more confident and grounded with this kind of upbringing - but just make sure you give him a cooking lesson every now and again to level the playing field!! :o) Thanks for the recommendation of the book - I will pass it onto my sis as she has two boys; 2 and 3.5 yrs and are very much the boys-boys but so much fun. We have always been very much a girl-oriented family but these boys have turned out to be SO much fun! I dont really contribute well to their technical concepts of diggers and trucks, so leave that to my husband and their Dad to sort out!

[Andrea]

Yes, the thing I also love about active fathers is the precious time it gives mothers to recharge their batteries! Better for the whole family, I say! Can relate about having to back-off with the motherly interference, though -- Just have to close my eyes, put my hands over my ears and and chant "La, la, la, la, LAAAA! It's worth it, it's worth it..."

[Andrea]

And thank you so much Mette for reminding me about cooking! One of Steve Biddulph's recommendations is that by 9 years old a boy should be able to cook a meal once a week for the family. It encourages him to be actively involved in the hub of the house - the kitchen. As mine only enters the kitchen to get himself a bowl of cereal and reluctantly empty the dishwasher, we've got to get him up to speed in just over a year! Now if I can just locate any good man I know who can teach him...

[Christy the Mommy-Muse]

Wow - 24 minutes a day is TRIPLE the previous dad time? I think you've just given me a way to tolerate (if not quite appreciate) fart jokes as an essential aspect of quality father - kid time ;-)