Kids, don't deal with mental illness alone

Being a parent has its ups and downs. We all go through tough times, and we all need support.  

Some families need more support than others.  

Families affected by mental illness or addiction need more support, yet are often the most isolated. As a child, I felt pretty alone and didn't really know how to get help. When there are family ‘secrets’, it is especially isolating for the kids. Who can I talk to? Who can I trust? If I talk, what will happen to my family?

Children in these situations have to deal with the double challenge of bearing a greater burden of responsibility than many other children while being on their own. In my own case, I felt I had to be responsible for so many things: my brother, my mother's life. I was afraid that if I asked for help, something bad would happen that would result in my family being broken up.  

When my mother attempted suicide, I was too afraid to wake her, and too afraid to tell anyone that she couldn't wake up. Luckily someone came to check on us. On another occasion, I was sure she was about to try again, and I didn't know if I should tell anyone. Would I be in big trouble with her if I was wrong? Who was I to interfere with her plans if we were not enough to live for?  When she didn't come home, I was afraid she would get in trouble if I tried to get the police to look for her.

These are things children should not have to deal with on their own. I didn't have the skills or knowledge as a 5-year-old, or later as a 12- or 13-year-old to deal with it. And children like me are still out there. Families like the one I grew up in still exist.

May 7 is National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day. Check out www.NAMI.org, this Facebook group, and http://www.childrensmentalhealthawarenessweek.org.

I support the Network Mosaic project, which helps families with mental illness, because no child should have to deal with these issues alone, and families affected by mental illness don't have the skills or networks they need on their own.

When I was asked to speak at the Network Mosaic launch, I felt both honored and fearful. Honored, because I am a survivor, and I have made it through.  Fearful, because I don’t want to cause hurt to people in my family who may suffer from stigma from me ‘outing’ them or their illnesses and struggles.

Yet this is my story. I own my story and I am proud to tell it, and to use it to show people that there is another way. I want young people who are affected by mental illness in their families to know that they can come out the other side. I want the people who work in supporting professions to know that what they do -- what you do -- makes a difference.

Thank you for listening, and thank you for working to make the world a better place.  If you have a story to share, whether it’s one in which you needed help or gave help, I welcome it in the comments.